Two-By-Four Moment

I have heard, on more than one occasion, that who you marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life. It will be who you make every major decision with for the rest of your life. You will mix your gene pool with theirs; or in some cases hope to dilute one pool or another. They will forever be as much a part of you as you are a part of them. At the least, you have to look at them everyday for a very, very long time. With all that pressure, the decision to get married was not one I was even considering at the beginning of this year.

For many years, family and friends closest to Martha and I went out of their way to reiterate over and over the fact that it was only a matter of time before we would take the plunge. They had pointed this fact out to us again and again. Through times when we weren't speaking to each other, in times when we were "just friends" and most recently when we were whatever it was that we didn't want to call ourselves. However, for me it was not that clear.

Let me back this up a few years to give you some of the history. Almost ten years ago I faintly remember a shy, freckled faced 16 year old red headed girl attending church youth functions in Illinois. Through our interactions at different events we became pretty good friends, but friends is all we ever really were. A few years after meeting Martha I was dating her best friend in High School and even attended Martha's sister's wedding as her best friend's date. We were always good friends, but it wasn't until college that we both flirted with the idea of dating. Looking back, those times in college when we were dating were some of the most enjoyable parts of my college experience. But as I am a glutton for punishment and I thought there were greener pastures to be found; I broke up with Martha after a year and a half of dating. During the time after, I experienced a lot of ups and downs with bad relationships, college ending, struggling with finding a job and starting a new career. But amazingly Martha was there for me through all of it. Offering me a closet of a bedroom when I had no where to go and no money to pay rent. Helping me take care of a burned hand from a unfortunate fireworks accident. Even helping me navigate a relationship I should have never been in and trying her darndest to befriend the girl.

You would think that after all we have been through, I would have jumped at the idea of marrying her. But as I mentioned in my first post, sometimes it takes a two-by-four moment for me to fully wake up to the idea. Many experiences in my life, personal and professional, paved the way for me begin to accept the idea that I was ready to begin the next chapter in my life and to begin it with her. But it was one in particular that smacked me over the head: the passing of my grandfather.

My grandfather died on February 18 of this year. It was while sitting with my grandmother in the hospital ICU and listening to her tell stories about meeting my grandfather after high school, writing back and forth during his deployment during the Korean War, getting married, buying their house, raising a family and ultimately watching her squeeze his hand as his slipped from this earth that I realized there is much more to life that I wanted to experience. My grandfather died surrounded by the people he loved and holding the hand of the woman he loved for more than fifty years. In his death, my grandfather turned the page to the next chapter of my life and for that I will be forever grateful to him.